this was taken the night i almost took my own life. it takes my breath away to look at this now, to look at the pain, despair, and hopelessness visible on my face. never have i been so scared of myself or felt such deep hatred. this night was my absolute breaking point. the next day i was hauled away to a treatment facility, finally agreed to receive help, and accepted medication. i almost can’t even recognize myself in this photo- the stability and mental state i am in now is remarkable in comparison. i will never allow myself to forget this time in my life or the fight i put up, and i will never allow myself to sacrifice or lose grip of my happiness and well-being again.
@2 months ago with 14 notes
#suicide #depression #recovery #progress #mental health
it just hit me how incredibly monumental 2012 was. i began the year miserable, lost, on the verge of giving up, characterized by self hatred and now, at its end, i am truly content with where my life is and where it is going, i have rediscovered happiness and embrace all that i am. in 2012 i experienced the lowest, darkest point of my life, but i am able to end it during the happiest point i have yet to experience, and i could not be more proud or grateful to be able to say that.
@5 months ago with 2 notes
#2012 #recovery
“good morning, pretty. today, go for no less than three runs, bike a few miles, don’t eat anything but one banana, and drink plenty of water so you don’t black out again. have a beautiful thursday!”
as if it was a completely normal message to give oneself.
it is also indescribable how proud i am of my progress.
@9 months ago with 6 notes
#eating disorder #recovery #progress
